So I sit here, day in, day out. Watching; I watch everything around me. I watch the people I call “friends” treat me as if I am merely an acquaintance.
I see them on Facebook, I see how popular they truly are. Don’t hang out with me, I think to myself. I wouldn’t want to tarnish your perfect reputation you seem to withhold. I know they’d frown upon you for being seen with me.
I see how rich they are. You got a new iPhone because you broke the one you just got? I got my friends old phone because I’ve had mine for three years and it doesn’t work anymore. Oh, you get to redo your room, with all new furniture and paint? I get to find a new room when our rent runs out. “Do you want to come shopping with us after school today?”… “Sorry, I’m busy. Maybe next time?”
There won’t be a next time. I’m not busy, I’m never busy. I just can’t afford to buy anything, I have to save up to buy food and basic essentials.
You hate your mum because she’s late taking you to a nail appointment? I hate my mum for taking me to a psychologist appointment.
You’re so depressed because your forth “boi” this month broke up with you and you cry yourself to sleep every night because of it? I haven’t shed a tear in years because I don’t know how to anymore. I’m depressed because I suffer from anxiety disorders, hallucinations, ACTUAL depression and an abundance of yet to be diagnosed things.
I could go on forever and ever but I won’t. I don’t want anyone to read this and think “wow she has all this shit and she’s still complaining, she’s ungrateful” etc. I am grateful for every single thing presented to me in my lifetime. Just because I’m not a poor starving black kid in Uganda, doesn’t mean I do not face problems because, I do. I just face problems of those in OUR society.
What society? The one that you must belong to if you’re reading this. The one where nearly all the kids are spoilt ungrateful little cunts. Now I know I’m not the worst off, but I sure as hell ain’t the “best off”. Sometimes I just find it hard to feel appreciative when all these people around me are so ungrateful for things I know I’ll never have. I dunno how to explain any of this but, I tried.